Well, my dad’s and stepmom’s weekend visit sort of…sucked. Here is why.

1. They are deaf. When did they both become deaf??? Holy crap, it was annoying. Their deafness + their general self-absorption = them asking a question about a given topic exactly five seconds after E or I had spoken about said topic at length. For example, at dinner I told a story about our having gone to that restaurant a few months ago for a friend’s birthday, and about how fun it was. On the way out my dad said, “Well, that was nice. Have either of you ever been there before?”

2. My dad is a horrible tipper. After both lunch and dinner, I had to throw down an extra few bucks onto the table after my dad had turned his back. Luckily I had managed to check out the bill as he was paying, because left to his own devices, he’s left 10% for lunch and 15% for dinner. Both of which had included perfectly fine service.

3. My stepmom is an annoying critic. At lunch, the bread was “good, but not mixed thoroughly. See? These little pockets of flour? Those shouldn’t be there.” At the drive-thru getting a diet soda (one of the 100s she drinks daily), “What?? $2.25 for a large? We should have gone to Sonic….Oh I see, it’s really, REALLY large. Well that’s okay then.” At dinner, the crabcakes were “very good, but not lump. The server said they were lump. I am going to tell him that he shouldn’t tell his tables that, because it’s untrue.” And, in general, all throughout the day of viewing condos, “Wow, it’s amazing how little you can get for your money here in Savannah. I’m so glad we live in ——.”

4. My dad did not even offer to give us any money towards our condo. I mean, there’s no law saying that one has to help one’s 27-year-old daughter financially, but…really. You are well-off. You have one daughter. She is engaged and buying her first house. Her fiance’s father, who makes WAY LESS than you, has given them money. How do you justify this?

So, suffice it to say that it was a stressful weekend. Between the incessant deaf “what?"s from the backseat, the complaining about the food and prices of everything from a soda to a condo, and the having to chase down two servers to apologize for my stepmom’s entitled attitude and my dad’s horrible tips, I hate to say it, but it’s nice to go back to my daily life.

ARGHHHH. I hate growing up.