Today I received an email entitled, “Do you want to see the fountain of sperm?” I did not click on the corresponding link, but I’m willing to bet that whatever image/product was on the other end of it would be the answer to America’s obesity problem. “My fellow American, are you overweight? Take a look at a photo that will make you never able to eat again, for the rest of your (hopefully now longer) life.” Jesus. The phrase alone has put me off lunch.

I am without internet action at home, so I’m freezing my ass off at the school library. I’m glad they’re not stingy on the a/c around here, but holy lord, my arm hairs are all standing up. This building is huge. It used to be a department store. I wonder what the power bills are, to cool such a building as this so effectively? Possibly my entire tuition has gone to cool the library this summer.

Possibly my entire tuition savings will have to go to pay off MY electric bill this past month. I just got my first one in the mail, and it was like those cell phone bill commercials where the people drop dead from shock. I didn’t know numbers even went that high, really. I promptly went out and bought curtains in an effort to stop the molten-lava-level of sunlight that pours into my lovely tall windows that face eastward. Which were such a selling point for me when I looked at the place, but yea god, they do let some light in. You can get a lot done with your day when you wake up at 7:30am! Who knew?

Is it wrong to be annoyed that the wireless internet I’ve been stealing/borrowing isn’t working right now? On the scale of moral relativism, do I have any standing at all? (Also, does anyone have a tip for how I can jumpstart it back? I’ve tried restarting, and the signal level seems to still have lots of bars to it, so I’m out of solutions myself.)

I had a fabulous birthday, and thank you for all the well-wishes. I had pizza with six girlfriends and my one boyfriend (who is so sweet he’s almost a girl himself, and I mean that in the best possible way). I tried out a new pizza that had feta, sundried tomatoes, mushrooms, and a swirl of pesto on top, and it was delicious. Then we went to a local dive for darts.

THEN (no “and then!") we went to my favorite bar downtown, and by then it was late enough that all my friends from work who had worked the dinner shift were off, and people kept crowding in and saying happy birthday, and being so nice. All these people I barely knew were there too, which was so great and unexpected. I had three tequila shots and one complimentary-from-the-bar birthday shot, which was on fire and came with a straw. It tasted like Bailey’s but there had to be something else in there to make it flame up, right? (Kat? You might know.) My new bf held me up for all the parts of the night during which I was not dancing (grinding) with various girlfriends. All in all, a successful way to ring in the late 20s.

I woke up feeling altogether better than one would have expected, given the level of ingestion, but this is partly due to the fact that I finished off the leftover pizza at like 2am, right before bed. Mmmph pizza snarf zzzzzzzz.

As for the boy news, things are as sickeningly good as ever. I won’t say more, because I know how annoying people in love are. I know, because I’ve had MANY A NASTY THOUGHT about necking/happy/existing couples myself. I hope that this is normal.