So I have been totally flipping out lately. I have my first review (our program has three total) coming up next week, so I have been frantically tweaking all my assignment paintings up to this point and also trying to do a bunch of personal works, on top of just keeping up with the current class projects.

I put in a ton of hours this weekend and today, and I think I will be in good shape to take slides of everything tomorrow, allowing a week for them to get developed, and then next Wednesday all my slides and statements are due. Then my committee of three takes them and looks over everything without me, and two weeks later I get a full page of typed critique, plus a box checked - Yes I passed, or No I suck. I am hoping for the Yes box.

Also, on top of the emotional rollercoaster that is me trying to churn out non-shitty paintings, there was that whole KISSING OF THE CRUSH thing, a week ago already, and wow have I been busy that I haven’t had time to write about that. But here is what happened:

Last Monday I had an awesome critique (on a piece the teacher called “Very good” but then two days later gave me a C+, and thus my emotions plummeted accordingly, but anyway) and convinced Crush Monkey to come out for a beer. ONE BEER. Yeah, right.

Damn you, happy hour! We had an amazing four hour conversation, along with three beers (for me, four for him I think). We were feeling good. I drove us home, which, I know, is bad. I rationalize it such: the town is two miles across, and no children are out at 1am on a Monday. Please don’t yell. So, we got to his house, and he got out and was talking to me through the window, and suddenly just said, “Do you want to make out? Come upstairs with me.” And I was like, “Um? Well? OKAY, YES.” And went upstairs. And then we kissed and I ended up sleeping there and he turned out to be a big snuggle bunny spooning freak, which was cute.

In the morning we talked for a while again, although not about anything germane to what had just happened. So when three days had passed abnd we were still just our usual friend-banter-hanging out in the studio selves, I convinced myself that he had never really been attracted to me at all, he was just drunk and I happened to be there, he wanted to put it behind us, etc etc. Worst case scenario stuff.

However Saturday night we met each other out, very late in the night, I drove him home, he invited me up, and again I agreed. I did sort of protest though. I think I slurred, “I don’t think is such a good idea; I’m really trying to make better interpersonal decisions lately.” He sort of blinked and was all, “Uh huh. Come on.”

We fell asleep watching Orange County, so I still have yet to see it all the way through. It was so late that we actually did just pass out with no making out at all, which was sort of anticlimactic (ha!) as I had been to a friend’s Sex Toy Party earlier in the night (it’s like tupperware, but it’s fuckerware). (Don’t ask.)

In the morning we talked/fell asleep/talked in a continuous cycle for about half the day. It was nice. Finally when I left I bit the bullet and brought up the fact that I liked him liked him, and we had a big talk, the major points being:

1. He is not sorry about what happened.
2. However he is not over his ex-girlfriend yet (DAMMIT).
3. However I am “what he is going to want, as soon as he lands from his spiral of stupidity over her.”
4. When I thought he wasn’t attracted to me after all and I was just another one of the people he flirts with, I was being paranoid.
5. He thinks I am awesome.
6. He considers me one of his best friends (aw). (Me too.)

So, that is where we are right now. I feel so much better now after talking. It’s funny, you’d think I’d be bummed to hear that he wasn’t ready to date anyone (me) yet, but I honestly did think that it was just me he wasn’t into. So to hear that it’s a timing thing is actually a relief to me. Anyway, he is adorable and brilliant and it’s not every day you find someone you can talk to for four straight hours, so I’m pretty lucky, really.

G’night!