I saw the funniest bumper sticker today. It was a picture of a mosquito with wings decorated in the pattern of the confederate flag, and next to it in bold letters it read “SEND MORE YANKEES - They taste delicious!”

This is very appropriate for me. I think that biologically I was never meant to be living in the South, because I sunburn really easily and have tasty blood. Whenever I get a bug bite, it immediately expands into a huge white welt. This lasts for a few hours and then it goes down to a normal-sized red bump, at which time it becomes itchy and I Must Drop Everything And Scratch NOW! which of course makes it get all inflamed again, and the cycle of life begins anew.

Every morning before I leave the house, I coat myself in a thin layer of SPF 30, wait for it to dry, then add a layer of bug spray everywhere. I used to just spray my arms and legs after I had gotten dressed, but I would ride to school and then discover all these bites on my lower back, where my shirt had ridden up under my backpack. So I basically have to spray myself while completely naked to make sure I have total protection. They are wily little bastards, these southern mosquitos.

Then I get dressed, and everyday I wear the same outfit: cargo capri pants and a wifebeater, both from Old Navy. I have like five of each, in a variety of colors, and I just mix and match. I never thought I would be the kind of person who wore a single-store, complete mannequin-ready outfit (let alone every freakin day), but it’s just so comfortable and appropriate for my lifestyle that I have become a sad sad Old Navy fashion victim. Feel free to mock my lack of chicness now; I will understand.